zippers are such a cool invention
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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