her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
