i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
