I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
