i was rollin on her like bob the builder
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
