I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
