i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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