...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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