I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
