Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
