i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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