You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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