Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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