the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
