dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
