Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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