so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
