At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
