my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
