Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
