and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
