Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
