3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish my penis had a tongue
birth control should be required to get into college
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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