this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
