you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
