I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
