nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
