his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
