I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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