The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
