This is not my ceiling
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
