If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
