I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
