hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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