I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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