I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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