Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
