I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
