What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
