when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
