if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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