dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize