I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
