I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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