WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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