I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
