So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
