You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize