in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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