How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
