I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize