if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
