fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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