I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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