I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
