marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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