Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
