Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize