I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize