I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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