He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
