Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
