The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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