I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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