So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think i have herpe
just one?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
