sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I touched a dick in church today
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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