dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
