If that was your dad, he is hot
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
