Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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