Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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