he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
